Weddings by Luigi Largo
by writingonthewalls18
Summary: The fearless, murdering Luigi Largo is... a clergyman?


Luigi Largo walked briskly over the grounds by the GeneCo tower. He cut swiftly through the graveyard with his younger brother, Pavi, in tow. He can't believe he agreed to do this sort of thing. His therapist said it would be a good idea for him to do something more constructive with his life; cut down on the anger. Luigi had briefly contemplated stabbing his therapist but thought better of it. The man was somewhat likable, though Luigi disagreed with his analysis: a possible sociopath with a bit of narcissism. Luigi just thought people shouldn't be fucking peasants.

What was it that Luigi agreed to, you ask?

He'd agreed to get a clerical license. The Great Luigi Largo now presided over weddings. His sister and brother had had a good laugh at that when he'd announced it at dinner one night.

**~*FLASHBACK*~**

_ "A CLERGYMAN?" shrieked Amber, collapsing into hysterics._

_ Pavi was too busy ducking under the table to try and control his laughter._

_ "Shut the fuck up," Luigi advised. He pulled one of his knives from inside his dinner jacket and brandished it at them._

_ "Father would-a be rolling in his-a grave if he knew what-a you were, fratello!" Pavi said, gasping._

_ Luigi pushed away from the table and stalked away. A scream that was quickly cut off informed his siblings that he'd stabbed a GENtern to relieve his feelings._

**~*END FLASHBACK*~**

Scowling, Luigi adjusted the ascot he always wore and continued to the little chapel located at the other end of the graveyard. He reached the doors and yanked them open, almost hitting Pavi in the face. He whirled around to his brother.

"You behave yourself, Pavi, or you'll fucking answer to my knife," he said threateningly. Pavi smirked in response and the brothers continued to the front of the chapel. Luigi pointed out a seat in the corner and Pavi sat obediently into it. He gazed into the mirror he always cared with him. Today, he'd chosen Amber's face with care, knowing it pleased her whenever he wore it.

People began to file into the chapel and take seats in the pews. Some women in matching dresses lined up on the raised platform where Luigi stood. He bent behind the podium and retrieved a large, leather-bound Bible from a shelf built into it. He opened it up and thumped it onto the podium. His gloved hands gripped the edges of the podium and he stood silently. A troop of men in suits mounted the platform, standing opposite the bridesmaids. One man stood slightly apart from the other men; the groom. The man turned and nodded once at Luigi. Luigi smirked slightly at the fright that briefly flashed over the man's face.

"Congratulations, sir," he said without emotion. The groom whispered his thanks and face back around to the rear of the chapel. While everyone waited for the bride to arrive, Pavi let out a low wolf-whistle in the direction of a brunette bridesmaid. She turned in his direction and flushed, turning back around. Pavi tiptoed up to her and leaned in toward her ear.

"How about-a you and-a I get together after this-a little shindig, bella?" he crooned. Goosebumps appeared on the girl's flesh where his breath had tickled it. She nodded and snapped to attention when the chapel door opened. The bride came into the Wedding March and joined the groom on the platform.

"Please be seated," said the chapel's owner. He nodded to Luigi. Luigi cleared his throat and his eyes swept over the filled pews. He took a deep breath, his usual scowl sliding into place. He changed his grip and glanced at the Bible.

"We are gathered here today-" he paused. A younger couple in the had started giggling, "-AHEM! We are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony."

As Luigi read on, the younger couple had started giggling again. He stopped and snapped his hard eyes on them.

"Hey, shut the fuck up! I'm tryin' to do a wedding, here!" he snapped. A few people in the audience gasped at the use of foul language in a holy place. But Luigi didn't give a shit. He was NOT going to take shit from anyone. The couple had stopped startled by the fury in the man's voice. Luigi adjusted his ascot again and resumed the wedding. He read into a split second's stunned silence before anyone caught on. The bride and groom exchanged their own vows in addition to the ones Luigi supplied.

Just before the kiss, an older gentleman jumped to his feet.

_Another fucking interruption,_Luigi thought indifferently.

"I know you. You're the one who killed my daughter! She was working as a nurse in your hospitals and you killed her. She was a wonderful girl!"

Everyone turned to stare at the man. Luigi sighed. He met the man's gaze steadily.

"She wasn't no fucking nurse. She was a GENtern, skipping around in a dress that barely covered her ass and fucking my brother. She brought me decaf one day and ALL the GENterns know I despise that shit. She had to pay."

The man jumped over the people in his pew and rushed at Luigi with a yell. Luigi calmly drew his knife and stabbed the man in the abdomen. He stowed the knife back into his suit jacket as the man writhed on the floor in agony. Some people stood up, clamoring for the door, but Luigi stopped them with an order to sit down or "join this shit on the floor." The guests hurried back to their seats with fear in their eyes.

"...You may kiss the bride," Luigi said, sounding slightly disgruntled. The newlyweds kissed quickly, sealing their marriage and practically leaped from the platform.

Amongst the cheering and shouting guests, desperate to get out Luigi's path, Pavi slunk up to the brunette and hauled her off into the nearby supply closet. Luigi slapped the Bible shut and stuck it back in its place. He came around the podium to receive compliments, like he always did after every wedding. He had fewer admirers this time, thanks to his mouth, but Luigi didn't care. They were all vermin in his eyes and he knew he could receive more respect from higher-end clients. He strode over to the supply closet and rapped sharply on the door.

"Pavi, get out of there, you little shit," he called. The door burst open and out came Pavi with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. The bridesmaid lay on dead on the floor, the skirt of her dress up to her hips and her face gone. Luigi glared at his brother.

"Jesus, Pavi, get some fucking help for that shit," he remarked. He and Pavi then exited the chapel, a woman's shriek following them as they left. Pavi smirked.

And that had been another wedding by Luigi Largo.

(The bit about the man probably doesn't make a lot of sense but I knew Luigi would probably kill someone before the groom and bride could kiss)


End file.
